| The Awful Jokes Thread | |
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ClarionGlass Five Hundred Posts
Posts : 502 Reputation : 39 Rank image :
Character sheet Name: Clarion Glass Unique Trait: Coffee dependancy Level: (5/8)
| Subject: The Awful Jokes Thread Fri Oct 10, 2014 12:49 pm | |
| A place for truly dreadful jokes and puns. Y'know, the ones that are so bad that the fun is telling them and watching people groan, rather than in the joke itself. E.g.: How is toilet paper like the USS Enterprise? - Spoiler:
They both whizz round and round Uranus wiping out Klingons.
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henrypi Two Hundred and Fifty Posts
Posts : 373 Reputation : 32 Rank image :
Character sheet Name: Amanda Unique Trait: Muggle Level: (10/11)
| Subject: Re: The Awful Jokes Thread Fri Oct 10, 2014 6:39 pm | |
| Why did the golfer wear his old trousers? - Spoiler:
Because he got a hole in one
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IncredibleHulk One Thousand Five Hundred Posts
Posts : 1640 Reputation : 46 Rank image :
Character sheet Name: Trek Unique Trait: Cyborg Level: (12/12)
| Subject: Re: The Awful Jokes Thread Sun Oct 12, 2014 10:43 am | |
| A lion, a hawk and a skunk are arguing over who is the greatest animal. The lion claims that he is, because of his teeth and claws. The hawk claims that he is, because of his beak and talons. The skunk claims that he is, because of his powerful stink. Suddenly, a dinosaur appears and eats them all; hawk, lion, and stinker. | |
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henrypi Two Hundred and Fifty Posts
Posts : 373 Reputation : 32 Rank image :
Character sheet Name: Amanda Unique Trait: Muggle Level: (10/11)
| Subject: Re: The Awful Jokes Thread Sun Oct 12, 2014 10:24 pm | |
| *Drives past graveyard* "That's the dead centre of town. Everyone is dying to get in"
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henrypi Two Hundred and Fifty Posts
Posts : 373 Reputation : 32 Rank image :
Character sheet Name: Amanda Unique Trait: Muggle Level: (10/11)
| Subject: Re: The Awful Jokes Thread Mon Oct 13, 2014 5:11 pm | |
| What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question? | |
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ClarionGlass Five Hundred Posts
Posts : 502 Reputation : 39 Rank image :
Character sheet Name: Clarion Glass Unique Trait: Coffee dependancy Level: (5/8)
| Subject: Re: The Awful Jokes Thread Sat Oct 18, 2014 5:25 pm | |
| A couple of bad music ones: Why did Bach have so many children? - Spoiler:
Because he had no stops on his organ.
Beethoven: ARE YOU READY TO HEAR SOME SYMPHONIES?! Audience: *cheers* Beethoven: I CAN'T HEAR YOU!! ((c) tumblr) And the famous tumblr band post: [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] | |
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HelgaHufflepuff Two Hundred and Fifty Posts
Posts : 465 Reputation : 36 Rank image :
Character sheet Name: Sera(phina) Warford Unique Trait: Half Dragon, Half Human Level: (10/11)
| Subject: Re: The Awful Jokes Thread Sat Oct 18, 2014 11:21 pm | |
| (I know I've told a lot of you this one already, but...) How do you keep a moron in suspense? I'll tell you tomorrow. - Spoiler:
(Please, don't fall for it. My sister did. It was painful. )
And another one just because: Did you hear about the man who stole a calendar? He got 12 months. | |
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henrypi Two Hundred and Fifty Posts
Posts : 373 Reputation : 32 Rank image :
Character sheet Name: Amanda Unique Trait: Muggle Level: (10/11)
| Subject: Re: The Awful Jokes Thread Mon Oct 20, 2014 11:14 pm | |
| What if Zelda was a girl? | |
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IncredibleHulk One Thousand Five Hundred Posts
Posts : 1640 Reputation : 46 Rank image :
Character sheet Name: Trek Unique Trait: Cyborg Level: (12/12)
| Subject: Re: The Awful Jokes Thread Sun Oct 26, 2014 11:23 pm | |
| Why did the scarecrow get promoted? Because he was outstanding in his field. | |
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IncredibleHulk One Thousand Five Hundred Posts
Posts : 1640 Reputation : 46 Rank image :
Character sheet Name: Trek Unique Trait: Cyborg Level: (12/12)
| Subject: Re: The Awful Jokes Thread Mon Oct 27, 2014 2:14 pm | |
| What do you call a snobbish scam artist walking down the stairs? A condescending con descending. | |
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henrypi Two Hundred and Fifty Posts
Posts : 373 Reputation : 32 Rank image :
Character sheet Name: Amanda Unique Trait: Muggle Level: (10/11)
| Subject: Re: The Awful Jokes Thread Tue Oct 28, 2014 11:21 am | |
| "What's best for a hangover?" Drinking heavily the night before | |
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henrypi Two Hundred and Fifty Posts
Posts : 373 Reputation : 32 Rank image :
Character sheet Name: Amanda Unique Trait: Muggle Level: (10/11)
| Subject: Re: The Awful Jokes Thread Tue Oct 28, 2014 8:27 pm | |
| - This one is kinda rude:
What do you call a black man flying a plane? - Spoiler:
A pilot you racist [insert favourite swear word]
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henrypi Two Hundred and Fifty Posts
Posts : 373 Reputation : 32 Rank image :
Character sheet Name: Amanda Unique Trait: Muggle Level: (10/11)
| Subject: Re: The Awful Jokes Thread Sun Nov 02, 2014 11:02 pm | |
| I don't get this joke at all...but its a dad joke, therefore has to be bad Two gay guys are looking out at the ocean. The first gay guy asks "What's that big boat out in the distance?" "That's a ferry boat," the other gay guy says. The first gay guy looks surprised and smiles and says, "I knew we were popular but I didn't know we had our own navy!" | |
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IncredibleHulk One Thousand Five Hundred Posts
Posts : 1640 Reputation : 46 Rank image :
Character sheet Name: Trek Unique Trait: Cyborg Level: (12/12)
| Subject: Re: The Awful Jokes Thread Thu Nov 06, 2014 12:51 pm | |
| ... I don't get it. "I sold my vaccum cleaner the other day, because all it was doing was collecting dust." | |
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timepatches Five Hundred Posts
Posts : 625 Reputation : 42 Rank image :
Character sheet Name: Violette Unique Trait: Horse caller Level: (10/11)
| Subject: Re: The Awful Jokes Thread Thu Nov 06, 2014 1:15 pm | |
| - henrypi wrote:
- I don't get this joke at all...but its a dad joke, therefore has to be bad
Two gay guys are looking out at the ocean. The first gay guy asks "What's that big boat out in the distance?" "That's a ferry boat," the other gay guy says. The first gay guy looks surprised and smiles and says, "I knew we were popular but I didn't know we had our own navy!" *holds up hand enthusiastically* I got it! I got it! Say 'ferry' out loud. Now say it in a kind of Welsh accent, so that the 'e' sound changes into a sort of 'ai' sound. Now you should get the joke. - Spoiler:
The first gay guy 'misunderstood' and thought the other guy was talking about a 'fairy boat', which is a homophobic slur in regards to gay people. It's funny for about 0.00000003 seconds until you consider how hurtful it is. Soz for killing the joke
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henrypi Two Hundred and Fifty Posts
Posts : 373 Reputation : 32 Rank image :
Character sheet Name: Amanda Unique Trait: Muggle Level: (10/11)
| Subject: Re: The Awful Jokes Thread Thu Nov 06, 2014 1:16 pm | |
| Well...that's definitely a dad joke then. And an awful one at that | |
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IncredibleHulk One Thousand Five Hundred Posts
Posts : 1640 Reputation : 46 Rank image :
Character sheet Name: Trek Unique Trait: Cyborg Level: (12/12)
| Subject: Re: The Awful Jokes Thread Thu Nov 06, 2014 8:38 pm | |
| A man is desperate to win the lottery. So one night he prays to God and asks to win the next day's lottery. He doesn't. So the next night, he prays again and asks to win the next day's lottery. He doesn't. So on the third night, he prays again and asks to win the next day's lottery. Suddenly, God speaks to him, and says "Meet me half way on this and buy a ticket!" | |
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chochang Seven Hundred and Fifty Posts
Posts : 859 Reputation : 13 Rank image :
Character sheet Name: The phoenix Unique Trait: Phoenix Level: (0/0)
| Subject: Re: The Awful Jokes Thread Thu Nov 13, 2014 8:46 pm | |
| How many clarinet players does it take to change a lightbulb? - Spoiler:
Only one, but s/he has to go through lots of boxes before s/he finds one s/he likes
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henrypi Two Hundred and Fifty Posts
Posts : 373 Reputation : 32 Rank image :
Character sheet Name: Amanda Unique Trait: Muggle Level: (10/11)
| Subject: Re: The Awful Jokes Thread Mon Nov 17, 2014 2:50 pm | |
| Why did Polly put the kettle on? - Spoiler:
Because there was nothing else to wear
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henrypi Two Hundred and Fifty Posts
Posts : 373 Reputation : 32 Rank image :
Character sheet Name: Amanda Unique Trait: Muggle Level: (10/11)
| Subject: Re: The Awful Jokes Thread Sat Nov 22, 2014 12:06 am | |
| How many impulsive liars does it take to screw in a lightbulb. - Spoiler:
There isn't a lightbulb, what are you talking about?
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henrypi Two Hundred and Fifty Posts
Posts : 373 Reputation : 32 Rank image :
Character sheet Name: Amanda Unique Trait: Muggle Level: (10/11)
| Subject: Re: The Awful Jokes Thread Mon Dec 08, 2014 12:48 am | |
| For Hulk:
I drew my gun. The guy in front of me drew his gun. Then I drew my other gun, and soon we were surrounded by some lovely drawings of guns.
A panda bear walks into a restaurant and orders a meal. After eating he pulls out a gun, shoots the place to the ground, and runs away. Quickly the bartender runs after him yelling, "HEY YOU CAN'T DO THIS!!!" The panda turns around and yells "Yes I can. Look me up in the encyclopedia!" So, the bartender looks up "Panda" in the encyclopedia, and it reads "Panda: increasingly rare species of bear that can be found in the eastern part of Asia. It eats shoots and leaves. | |
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IncredibleHulk One Thousand Five Hundred Posts
Posts : 1640 Reputation : 46 Rank image :
Character sheet Name: Trek Unique Trait: Cyborg Level: (12/12)
| Subject: Re: The Awful Jokes Thread Mon Dec 08, 2014 2:48 pm | |
| Why did Mozart sell all of his chickens? Because when he asked them who the best composer was, they said "Bach Bach Bach!" | |
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henrypi Two Hundred and Fifty Posts
Posts : 373 Reputation : 32 Rank image :
Character sheet Name: Amanda Unique Trait: Muggle Level: (10/11)
| Subject: Re: The Awful Jokes Thread Wed Dec 10, 2014 12:51 am | |
| If you've got a haunted house and don't keep up the mortgage payments, do you get re-possessed? | |
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IncredibleHulk One Thousand Five Hundred Posts
Posts : 1640 Reputation : 46 Rank image :
Character sheet Name: Trek Unique Trait: Cyborg Level: (12/12)
| Subject: Re: The Awful Jokes Thread Mon Dec 29, 2014 5:51 pm | |
| Person 1: It's Nerf or nothing! Person 2: I've had e-Nerf of Nerf. (enough, e-nerf) | |
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HelgaHufflepuff Two Hundred and Fifty Posts
Posts : 465 Reputation : 36 Rank image :
Character sheet Name: Sera(phina) Warford Unique Trait: Half Dragon, Half Human Level: (10/11)
| Subject: Re: The Awful Jokes Thread Sun Feb 08, 2015 11:27 pm | |
| I found this one on Reddit (I'm on there far too much), and decided to put it on here since I got a few laughs out of it. --- A pirate walks into bar and sits down. The bartender notices that he has a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and a patch over one eye. The pirate orders a beer, and while he's pouring it the bartender asks "So what's the story with the leg?" "Well it were many a year ago," says the pirate. "I were walkin on the deck a me ship and a rogue wave swept me overboard, and a shark swum up and bit me leg clean off! I swum ashore and were fitted fer a peg leg that very night." "That's terrible," says the bartender. "What about the hand?" "Well it were the very next day," says the pirate. "I were walkin on the deck a me ship and a rogue wave swept me overboard again, and a whale came up and bit me hand clean off! I swum ashore and were fitted fer a hook that very night." "Wow," says the bartender. "So what about the eye?" "Well it were the very next day," says the pirate. "I were walkin on the deck a me ship, and I were lookin out fer rogue waves, and a seagull flew over and sh*t right in me eye!" "Oh man," says the bartender. "And that blinded you?" "Well no," says the pirate. "But it were me first day with the hook." --- | |
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